Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
