so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize