she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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