matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
