return my video game
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
