hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize