I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
