just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
