I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
