the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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