I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
