Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
