the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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