We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
