Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
