i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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