yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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