I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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