I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
