the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
