I just saw a hot homeless man
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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