you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
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We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
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Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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