They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
