Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
