Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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