but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
