You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
