I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
