i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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