You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
