She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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