He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
