I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I want a musical about memes.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
