do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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