I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
