I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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