So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
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the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
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The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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