I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
