I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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