yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
