Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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