You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you will always have a special place in my vag
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
