Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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