Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
