You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
3 2 1 whiskey
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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