So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
