Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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