Texts From Last Night

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  (360): View more from Washington

  If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.

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  (360): If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever. http://tfl.nu/xm2c
  Replies (40) Good night (7677) Bad night (656)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.

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  (574): I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself. http://tfl.nu/2lez
  Replies (24) Good night (1153) Bad night (7168)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?

  (804): View more from Virginia

  who says it cant be both...

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  (757): im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever? (804): who says it cant be both... http://tfl.nu/wstu
  Replies (50) Good night (6780) Bad night (658)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?

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  (208): How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles? http://tfl.nu/g9w4
  Replies (30) Good night (3776) Bad night (1522)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore

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  (732): My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore http://tfl.nu/2pmj
  Replies (38) Good night (5188) Bad night (1598)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.

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  (321): I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter. http://tfl.nu/jrqc
  Replies (6) Good night (5384) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy

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  (904): I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy http://tfl.nu/pgsd
  Replies (2) Good night (2484) Bad night (1030)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.

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  (512): I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings. http://tfl.nu/0ge6
  Replies (10) Good night (2430) Bad night (1659)
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  (516): View more from New York

  my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing

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  (516): my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing http://tfl.nu/sqvp
  Replies (2) Good night (615) Bad night (1344)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.

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  (330): i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait. http://tfl.nu/bv41
  Replies (15) Good night (2802) Bad night (916)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.

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  (717): Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit. http://tfl.nu/5mnb
  Replies (12) Good night (624) Bad night (2734)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?

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  (320): It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college? http://tfl.nu/c66r
  Replies (8) Good night (1648) Bad night (608)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.

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  (425): I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem. http://tfl.nu/tmma
  Replies (2) Good night (213) Bad night (564)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD

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  (315): My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD http://tfl.nu/z1nh
  Replies (10) Good night (1533) Bad night (444)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"

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  (480): Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!" http://tfl.nu/823i
  Replies (0) Good night (378) Bad night (199)

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