Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?