Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???