I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
