totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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