you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
