just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
