I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
why do cheetos always look like penises
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
