READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
